Twas the moment before crashing, and all through the ship
Not a creature was stirring, not even the convict;
The purge handles were locked by the pilot’s seat with care,
And we all know with the asteroids, Carolyn soon would be there.
The passengers were nestled all snug in their cryo-beds,
While visions of palm trees and beaches danced in their heads;
And Carolyn in her tank top, and Johns in his cap,
Had been settled down for a long nineteen week nap.
When out in the chamber there arose such a clatter,
Carolyn jumped from her tube to see what was the matter.
Away to the cabin she and Owens flew like a flash,
Opening up the front view screen and looking out through the glass.
The sand on the crest blew like an avalanche of snow,
Obscuring the planet hurtling to meet them below.
Then what to Carolyn’s wondering eyes should appear,
But red lights flashing and “Purge All” next to the gear.
The little blond pilot, so lively and quick,
Started dumping compartments away with a flick,
But with the third pull, the passenger cabin remained,
Carolyn yelled and shouted and called out some names;
“Now, OWENS! You F**KER, you DAMN NOBLE PRICK!
The COMET! Come on STUPID! Purge all, you DICK!
The rate of descent, the structural limit!
We’ll fall away, crash and that will end it!”
The sand through the broken window like a hurricane did fly,
And Carolyn covered her face when seeing ground with her eye.
Down to the planet the Hunter-Gratzner did crash,
Losing cryo-tubes, supplies and the medical stash.
With a long sandy skid, the ship busted down to the core,
The passengers crawled out and fell onto the floor.
Johns saw his gun and was turning around,
When down from the rafters Riddick came with a bound.
He was dressed in a t-shirt and nice cargo pants,
With chains on his ankles and a bit in his mouth;
Johns beat him down, his eyes all a-gleam;
And got him tied up ‘round an old metal beam.
Is he really that dangerous? Carolyn asked with concern,
Johns answered only around humans, I’ve learned.
Riddick’s eyes, how they glowed, his muscles pulled taut,
He popped out his shoulders and headed off with a trot.
Johns found the bit and stomped his feet on the ground,
Then returned to the ship and loaded up a few rounds.
They searched through the bones and they searched through the valley,
But Riddick was nowhere, and Johns grew quite owley.
However, persistence paid off and Johns caught him again,
But the crew did find there were worse things than him.
As the three suns disappeared, Johns watched with a frown,
Monsters took to the air and monsters took to the ground.
The lights would save them as they dashed through the night,
But getting to the skiff required a tough fight.
Didn’t take long for the survivors to dwindle to four,
Three in a cave, and Riddick at the skiff’s back door.
Blue glow worms in the cave, all gooey and stiff,
Carolyn grabbed some and ran to the skiff,
She begged and she pleaded and got a shiv to her throat,
But after the encounter, Riddick was no longer remote.
To the cave they returned, with the monsters about,
And Jack did exclaim “Never had a doubt!”
It was back to the skiff for the final time,
Except for Riddick, who could not climb (very fast). :)
In the alley, two viscious monsters he did smellllll,
So he had hisself a smackdown and sent them to hell.
Carolyn came back, having one last thing to prove,
Saying “I’d die for them, not you! Let’s move.”
Riddick grunted and stumbled, it was tough work,
Carolyn pulled him, but stopped with a jerk.
They stood in their tracks, frozen mid-pose,
Carolyn smiled, and into the air she rose.
NOT FOR ME!!!! (Great ad lib, Vin).
Riddick sprang to the skiff, and shut the back door,
And away they all flew with a load roar.
Riddick was heard to exclaim, as he blasted out of sight,
“F**k all you monsters! Can’t leave without saying good-night!”
*****
Now I too must snuggle away in my bed
So visions of Vin can dance in my head
I hope my little story didn’t give you a fright
Don’t be afraid of the dark; have a good night!
---------------
Twas the night before Pitch Black 2
And all through the country
Many girls cried “Kewl”
And lots of Dieselites ran in a hurry
Millions of Dieselites snuggled in bed
While visions of Vin Diesel danced in their heads.
The pre-bought tickets were set on the table with care
In hopes that opening day soon would be there.