Forgotten Past: Chapter Thirty One-The Discovery of Humanity
“Does he look all right to you?”
Sleke peered through the tiny window then turned to Carolyn, nodding.
“He looks fine. What? You think he’s going to up and die on you?”
Carolyn shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s the sort of thing he’d do just to
spite someone he was angry with. Die, that is.”
Sleke moved away from the window and sat in the chair just to the right
of the door. “If he’s got half a brain he’ll stick around. When I knew
him before he seemed like a smart sort of fellow.”
Carolyn leaned back against the wall and allowed the pain in her leg
and shoulder to show. She’d acted tough to scare Jake but the pain of
strutting around and jumping about like she’d been doing had done her
more harm than good. Her wing was all right, but her shoulder and
thigh were screaming their discomfort, cursing her for her pride.
Sleke’s brows drew together in concern and she stood, facing her sister.
“Are you all right, Carolyn? You don’t look so well.”
Carolyn lifted her eyes to Sleke’s. “Jeez, thanks, sis,” she answered
sarcastically, but changed her approach at the genuine concern in
Sleke’s eyes. “I’m sorry. Let’s just say the stress and blood loss are
starting to catch up to me.”
Sleke’s lips pulled into a thin grim line. She grabbed Carolyn’s arm and
began dragging her towards the lift.
“Hey! Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” Carolyn demanded as
she pulled against Sleke’s iron grip.
Her sister merely wrapped her long tail around her waist and pulled
harder. Carolyn limped painfully behind her and soon found herself
shoved onto the lift.
“You’re dead on your feet, Carolyn. You’re no good to anyone like this.
Riddick stopped by while you were in there with Jake. He’s waiting for
you in your room. Talk to him and get some sleep before you kill
yourself,” her sister ordered before punching in the code for Carolyn’s
quarters below the engine room.
Carolyn tried to get off the lift but it was already descending and she
watched Sleke’s booted feet disappear from site.
Carolyn watched numbly as the floors passed the open walls of the lift
and she sank down to sit on the metal floor. The ride was short, but
Carolyn couldn’t seem to get back up as she leaned against the wall, the
lift humming quietly. She could feel the slight vibrations and was
acutely aware of the holes in her body that weren’t supposed to be
there.
She reached to touch the bandage around her shoulder and her hand
came away blue and sticky, drawing a frown from her pale face. A
tender touch to her pant leg proved that her pride had done more than
make her wounds sore. Her black pants were wet with blood.
“Oops,” she mumbled, noticing that loss of blood was making her
slightly hysterical as she let out a choked laugh. To her ears it sounded
like a strangled, tinny giggle and she cut the laugh short to groan in
pain.
“Gotta get up,” she prodded herself. “C’mon, Creed. Get up, dumb ass,
before you bleed to death.”
Placing her hands flat on the floor, Carolyn pushed herself upwards
and slid her feet beneath her. She reached up for the rail on the inner
wall of the lift and hoisted herself weakly to her feet. Her legs shook and
she leaned heavily on the rail, her breathing labored from the effort.
“No, good,” she gritted out around the pain. “What was I thinking?”
Carolyn’s vision blurred slightly and she shook her head, trying to clear
it of the fog taking residence behind her lids.
Carolyn stumbled from the lift, a hand braced on the wall of the
corridor, leaving a blue trail on the metal as she passed.
The corridor was short, leading to the only room on the floor, which
was hers. She got to the door and reached for the panel but the door
opened before her fingers could touch the pad. Carolyn lifted blurry
eyes to Riddick, seeing the concern on his face.
“You’re bleeding,” he stated matter-of-factly and Carolyn let out
another tinny giggle.
“Uh huh,” she confirmed, tampering down the giggle. Her thigh was
burning and just as she went to step into her room her leg folded
beneath her and she went crashing to the ground, only to be caught and
lifted up by Riddick.
“Where we going?” Carolyn asked weakly as she leaned against
Riddick’s broad chest.
Riddick eyed the streak of blue blood on the wall and shifted Carolyn in
his arms. The leather of her wings felt tough but strangely soft against
his arms and he reached around to push the hair from her face.
“Med. deck,” he answered shortly and Carolyn nodded.
“Good call, Riddick. Can’t have me dying, now can we.”
Riddick heard the odd sarcasm in her voice and wondered at the
meaning of it. It better not be what he thought, he told himself harshly
and stepped on the lift to punch in the Med. deck code. The lift rushed
upward to the third floor and Riddick stepped out and walked down the
corridor to the infirmary.
Craig Starr met him at the door, his face twisted in anxious lines.
“Dammit, what the hell happened to her?” he demanded from Riddick.
Riddick ignored the smaller man and pushed past him to stride
purposefully toward the separate rooms farthest aft. He laid Carolyn
down carefully and she opened bleary eyes to blink at him sleepily.
“What’s wrong, Carolyn?” he asked her quietly and she clenched her
lids shut and reached for her thigh, touching the sticky blood gently.
She brought her fingers up to her face and her lips thinned out
unhappily.
“Stupid pride,” she muttered. She lifted her eyes to Craig. He was
pulling out some gauze and other medical instruments, eyeing Riddick
warily.
“You wanna elaborate on that comment, Creed?” Craig asked as he
pushed Riddick aside and went to apply sizzors to her pant leg.
Carolyn lifted herself up on her elbows and almost protested against
her pants getting cut up then thought better of it. She didn’t want them
anymore, anyways. She opted for a shrug and lay silent while Craig cut
the pant leg away from her thigh to remove the bandages beneath.
“The stitches are torn. What were you doing? Jumping tall buildings?”
Craig demanded as he cut the stitches away and injected her with a
numbing agent before cleaning the wound thoroughly and starting
again with new stitches.
“Something like that,” Carolyn muttered, turning away from the
strange sight of thread weaving through flesh. It elicited an odd tingling
sensation as the numbing agent continued to work.
Craig grabbed some sturry strips and covered the stitches. “I didn’t do
this last time, but I should have, knowing you,” he commented as he
covered the stitches with the clear adhesive strips. He followed with
white gauze around the wound, pulling it tight and securing it with
medical tape.
“Maybe I need to invest in a mend chamber,” she murmured weakly as
another wave of dizziness wracked her senses.
Craig nodded absently in reply to her comment and pulled the
bandages off her shoulder wound. The stitches had pulled against the
flesh, but weren’t ripped like the ones in Carolyn’s thigh.
Craig repaired the stitches and pressed sturry strips over them for
reinforcement as well before covering the wound with white gauze.
“You need rest, Creed,” Craig told Carolyn firmly. “You’re under
stress from the mutation, memory recovery, your responsibilities and
loss of blood. Not to mention lack of sleep. You’re immune system has
dropped dramatically. That’s why you keep suffering from these dizzy
spells. Put someone in charge of things and take a week off.”
Carolyn opened her mouth to protest but was quickly cut short. “I’ll
have you locked in your room if I have to, Creed,” Craig told her
threateningly.
“Mutinous bastard,” Carolyn groaned. “What’s next? A body guard?
Or just a plain guard, Craig? No one tells me what to do on my own
ship. I’ll rest, but everyone better know just who the hell is in charge
here. Don’t think I won’t have your sorry ass tossed into space.”
Craig pursed his lips and turned to Riddick. “Can you get her to her
room, and try and make sure she stays there?”
“I can get her to her room,” Riddick responded, picking Carolyn up.
She came easily and nestled against his chest. “But I won’t be
responsible for telling her what to do. You heard the woman. I don’t
want to end up turned inside out just because I stood between her and
her duties. Good day to you, Starr.”
They left Craig alone and frustrated to deal with Jack, who came in
complaining of tight muscles where she’d been shot.
“You okay, Carolyn?” Jack asked as she passed them on the way to the
lift. She was limping along on crutches, her progress hindered by the
bullet wound in her side.
“I’m all right, Jack,” Carolyn answered. “Just need to take better care
of myself. You?”
“Just sore. And I need a check up anyways. No time like the present. I’ll
be seeing you around, right?”
“Of course,” Carolyn answered and Jack smiled before passing them
by, heading for Craig’s office.
“I’m not going to lock you up or force you to stay in your room,
Carolyn, but will you listen to the doc? Let someone else take over for a
while. Relay orders and let your body heal,” Riddick told her as the lift
carried them to the bowels of the ship and her quarters.
Carolyn sighed painfully and shut her eyes. “I know I’ve been pushing
to hard, but it’s all I can think to do. If I don’t push myself I get to
thinking and that’s destructive in itself.”
Riddick nodded his understanding and stepped off the lift to walk to
her door. “Just relax, all right?”
“Sure, Riddick. Whatever.”
Riddick felt Carolyn withdraw into herself and frowned, but made no
comment, instead opting to punch the key pad and open the door. He
stepped into the dark interior and walked to a chair set in front of a HV
set.
He sat Carolyn in the chair and she sank into the soft leather gratefully.
Carolyn waited for Riddick to leave, but instead he seated himself next
to her in the matching chair. He was silent for a while and then he
suddenly reached around and grabbed one arm of her chair and
dragged her in front of him like she and the chair weighed as much as a
feather.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she demanded, wanting to
lean forward for emphasis but not trusting her head to stay on her
shoulders straight instead of careening wildly out of control.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Riddick retorted harshly. Despite
his hard voice his face was carefully devoid of emotion, his eyes stony.
A shiver traced up Carolyn’s spine at the odd light in Riddick’s eyes
and she leaned as far back in her chair as she could, pulling away from
him physically as well as mentally.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Riddick.”
“Okay, then I’ll educate you. Ever since we got off that Company
cruiser you’ve been avoiding me like the plague. Every time I get
anywhere near you, you disappear, make up some story as to why you
gotta be somewhere else. Do I look stupid to you?”
Carolyn gulped, knowing it was a trick question, but shaking her head
in the negative anyway.
“Good. ‘Cause I’m not and I know when I’m being avoided. I’ve
learned to know it, Carolyn. Every time I get near you, I can hear your
blood start racing faster and I know all you can think about is getting
away from me. Why is that, Carolyn?”
A tense shudder racked Carolyn’s slight form and she curled her legs
up beneath her, her hands fisting in her lap. She clenched her eyes shut
and turned her face away from Riddick’s probing gaze. The eyes that
saw to much.
He was peeling away her defenses and she didn’t like it. She didn’t like
the way he made her feel broken again. She’d fought long and hard to
stay sane. The price had been most her humanity. Seeing Riddick again,
knowing he could see through her like a sheet of clear glass, was like
her old self thrown back in her face.
Carolyn’s carefully built indifference to the world around her was
shattered every time she saw him and it was tearing her apart.
“I don’t know what you want from me, dammit!” she finally cried,
lashing out at him, her soul laid bare for his harsh glare. “I look at you
and everything inside of me that still feels cries out and everything in
me that’s dead fights back. What the hell am I supposed to do? I can’t
be human and be me! I can’t! And it’s tearing me apart! What the hell
do you want from me!”
Riddick felt a sort of shock roll over him. He knew what it was to be
torn in every direction. To want to care but being unable to show it. To
want to save but not knowing how. Helpless, unable to be what you
want to be because of what you are.
He lurched forward and grabbed Carolyn by the shoulders, his grip
tight and a flash of pain crossed her face as she let out a choked cry.
Riddick loosened the death grip on her wounded shoulder and hauled
over the distance that separated them so she was sitting astride his lap.
“Stop pulling yourself in so many directions. You can’t be who you
were and you can’t be who you think you are. You’re some cross in
between and that’s what you problem is.”
“You’re the link. Every time I look at you I remember what it was to be
human. I can’t be that anymore!”
“You ARE human. No matter what happens to you or what you look
like, you’re still human where it counts.”
“And how the hell would you know? You don’t even know how to be
human, Riddick. You said it yourself. You don’t even know how to
rejoin the human race. A self proclaimed monster. What kind of advise
could I ever take from you?”
A look of rage crossed Riddick’s face and he tossed Carolyn back into
her chair. She slumped there and buried her face in the leather, her
shoulders heaving with dry sobs.
Riddick sat in silence, listening to the choked sobs Carolyn struggled to
contain. “I’m not who I used to be,” he murmured quietly when
Carolyn’s sobs had subsided.
“Before the crash, before I got off that planet, I was letting them turn
me into what they wanted me to be. It was easy, really. I was no saint by
then anyway.
“Dirty work for the Company shapes you into something different. But
it started before then. I had my own problems long before I started
handling them for the Company. It takes more than a corrupt company
to screw with a guy’s head. That just helped.
“And when they framed me, it just got worse. The slam, killin’ guards...
One inhuman act after another. I was an animal. A murderer. A
monster. Never doubt that, Carolyn. I may have rejoined the rest of the
human race to some extent, but I’m the same bastard you knew three
years ago.”
Carolyn braced her hands on the arms of her chair and pushed herself
upright. She slid her feet over the edge and set them firmly on the floor
before standing, teetering dangerously as her head spun at the sudden
activity.
Riddick stood quickly and reached for her but she flinched away from
him.
“I know,” she murmured and stepped towards him slowly.
Riddick lowered his hand and closed his eyes as Carolyn placed the
palm of her hand on his jaw, cupping his cheek tenderly. She stroked
the tense muscles, her thumb rasping over his dark stubble.
“I know,” she repeated. “But that’s okay.” And she walked past him
into her bedroom, leaving him in the dark to listen to the door closing
behind her.
***